“Onomonopenis”: Silly Sex Sounds
Let’s talk about noisy sex. I don’t mean noisy as in your-neighbors-can-hear-your-orgasmic-shouting (though that’s always fun), I mean when the lube bottle “squirts,” when your and your partner’s skin “slap, slap, slaps” together, or when your stomachs go “gloop, bloop, blop” with each thrust. It’s completely normal for the body to make all kinds of unsexy sounds during sex, but as normal as it is, it can still make things a little awkward and sometimes distracting, making it a total buzzkill during your moments of passion.
But it doesn’t have to be. These natural, yet silly sounds can totally become a bonding experience for a couple. How, you ask? Allow me to share a story of my own:
My partner and I were trying a position that I hadn’t done in some time, and he had never tried. It involved him lying on his back, and me mounting him from the top, with my back facing him. I then lay across his body, so my head was on the pillow next to his and my back was on his stomach. This position required him to thrust upward with his hips, and me to arch my back a little to keep him inside. (This is a great position for pressure on the g-spot.)
A few minutes into it, he starts to gain some speed and find a good rhythm. *updownupdownupdownupFRRRT*
“What was that?” he asked, giggling a little.
“I don’t know…it sounded like-” I began to say.
“Did you fart on me?” he laughed.
*FRRRT* came the noise again. This time slightly higher pitched.
“I think…I think that was air getting trapped between my back and your stomach.” I said.
“Oh my god that’s awesome! Your back is farting!”
Dear readers, keep in mind while this exchange was going on, my partner did not miss a beat, he was still thrusting with the same enthusiasm and vigor the whole time. In fact I think he was actually trying to make the fart sounds at some point.
Afterward, lying in bed together, snuggled up under a soft blanket with his arms around me, he laughed and said that what we’ve come to call “back farts” were hilarious. I mentioned I had noticed they didn’t stop him, and he told me he liked that we were able to laugh together about what had happened. In fact, we still laugh about it sometimes in regular conversation. The phenomenon of the “back farts” have become kind of an inside joke between us. As silly as it is, it’s brought us closer because it was a shared experience.
In years passed, something like that might have been so embarrassing for me that it would have put an untimely end to the sex. And that is simply because I wasn’t comfortable with my body. I had a very fixed image of how sex was supposed to go, and fart noises were definitely not included. But re-examining my ideas surrounding sex, like how different people have it, relationship structures, body image, and having a supportive partner, it is no longer something that bothers me.
All bodies make all kinds of noises. We make sounds everywhere we go, in pretty much everything we do normally. So of course sex is no exception. So don’t let it be a mood-killer, embrace your body, and your partner’s (or partners’) body in all it’s noisy glory!
Written by In-House Sexpert: Kara Pandora
(Come meet Kara & learn all about Blowjobs at her workshop this month at Tulip!)