As a supposed sex educator who has always cautioned friends to revel safely in their promiscuity, I’ve been a bit of a hypocrite. For a long time, I found girl/girl safer sex an uncomfortable prospect, if not wholly repulsive. I got tested biannually. I demanded that the smattering of bio-boys I fucked wear condoms. I told my tricks that tribadism (colloquially known as ‘scissoring,’ an act which inevitably fuses body fluids) wasn’t one of my sexual interests. And that was the extent of my risk prevention.
Why is dyke safer sex so hard to broach with potential partners (I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels this way)? Why is the specific information so scarce, when there are myriad ominous pamphlets about STD/HIV transmission and prevention mass-produced for breeders and gay men?
The latter may explain why I was/we are so adverse to break out the barriers. Condoms seem so de rigueur, so ubiquitous, eroticized in sleek (if socially incorrect) Magnum advertisements. When was the last time you saw a sexy commercial celebrating an extra-large dental dam?
If we’re going to embrace our insatiable queer libidos and fuck like gay boys, we better protect ourselves like them! Slutty, sex-positive fags catalyzed the safer sex trend two decades ago—thanks, guys—and now it’s our turn to claim responsibility for our own bodies. I practice what I preach now: I may be part of a low-risk population, but I also unabashedly sleep around.
From personal trial and error, here are some suggestions for making safer sex between two (or three, or eight!) girls a hot (or at least not an awkward) proposition:
1. Black latex gloves.
I keep a ready supply of black latex gloves in a drawer underneath my bed. What I thought at first was just a matter of convenience (one shouldn’t be a fisting top and bite their nails—oh well) has actually become ritualistic foreplay. These are way sexier than the standard beige-colored ones you find in hospitals—unless, of course, you’re playing doctor.
Oh, and if you’re out of gloves, a basic colored condom rolled over a few fingers (or your whole hand) works as well, and even molds your fingers into that lovely cupped shape—perfect for fisting.
2. Silicone sex toys.
You can disinfect them entirely by placing them in boiling water for a couple minutes or running through the dishwasher—a must-have for polysexual players. For simplicity’s sake, just use condoms on dildos, and remember to switch the condom between cunt and ass, or between partners.
3. Talking beforehand.
Insist on safer sex before you’re on all fours and gagged. This is crucial to the whole fuck proceeding smoothly and without interruption. Negotiate with your partner about expectations and boundaries—that way, there’s no question when it’s going down.
4. Risk prevention.
Okay, so we all do one-night-stands and (if we’re lucky) total strangers we ravage in public bathrooms and club back rooms. A lengthy negotiation process has no part in that casual, ravenous heat. My Golden Rule: no fluid exchange with tricks. It only denies a few activities (namely, cunnilingus and tribbing), leaving heavy making out, dirty talk/humiliation, penetration, playing with toys, fisting (with gloves) and sadomasochism (sans blood) – fabulous options.
And get tested regularly! In Chicago, the Broadway Youth Center provides confidential testing and free medical services for queer kids, and the Howard Brown Health Center caters to LGBTQ adults.