Below is one of our favorite quotes from Pat Califia’s important essay collection, Public Sex. Califia is the Big Daddy of what we at Tulip call “pleasure world”
(pleasure world being public spaces for sex and talk unfettered from traditional models of sociality, mainly marriage and monogamy; pleasure world is all about re-imagining the social beyond the couple form)
“Monogamy has nothing to do with morality. If sexual exclusivity were an ethical issue, it would be an individual choice. Has anyone ever said to you, ‘I’m monogamous, and my lover isn’t, so be both do what we feel is right?’ Of course not, because monogamy is about controlling the other person’s behavior–social control, not self-control. I’m also sick and tired of that line about somebody’s being too jealous to handle an open relationship. Monogamy does not assuage jealously. There is always something to be jealous about. If your lover doesn’t sleep around, she has friends. Monogamy is for people who enjoy making accusations, feeling insecure, spying on their partners, and getting lots of cheap adrenaline rushes when they finally make up with them. If this is passion, give me bleeding ulcers.”
Tulip proudly carries all of Califia’s books so come check them out.
No more deferral. Pleasure Now.