Owning My Cock

Believe it or not, I used to be a sexual purist.

When I first came out as a babydyke in the Kansas City LGBT scene (see Holden, we hillbilly Kansans can be queer as fuck, too), I dated a bright, punky femme who described herself as ‘a freak in bed,’ and had been sleeping with girls long enough to know. I suppose that titillated me on some subconscious level that would only manifest into full-blown perversion in my later teenage years. A week after we first hooked up, she handed me a gift box.

“Well, open it!” she squealed. I tore through the tissue paper to discover a sparkly, neon pink dildo.

“Uh…” I responded, already marking her disappointment, “what do I need this for?”

“I was just thinking you could fuck me with—” I interrupted her with some tirade about how I didn’t have a cock, didn’t need a phallic imitation, didn’t want one—real or representative—anywhere near me! I had just adopted my dyke identity and was clinging tenaciously to it. I probably made some snarky comment about her own (bi)sexuality. God, I was such a self-righteous prick.

It’s taken me a while to become the strap-on-wearing, whip-wielding, toe-sucking, shifting Venn diagram of postmodern bullshit that constitutes Dolores Haze today. I’ve even come so far as to embrace my (silicone) cock as an extension of my own body. I masturbate with it, stroking it and rubbing my clit simultaneously. I wear the bulge around proudly. My (current) favorite fantasy is a role play scenario in which another bio-girl and I are both fags, sporting giant hard-ons underneath our Seven jeans/tailored suit pants. I cruise her (my precious little twink!), drag her to the bathroom, and shove her against the sink. That way, I can watch my cock pound her ass and her contorted, blissed-out-bottom, eyes-rolling-back-in-her-head, ‘oh fuck me, fuck me!’ facial expressions in the mirror. Sigh. Having a cock is fun.

I want to tell every apprehensive gay girl (and straight girl, for that matter) who comes into Tulip and skims the dildo/harness section to just try it. It’s amazing to configure our bodies in nonconforming ways and reclaim some phallic power! It’s convenient equipment, conducive to role play and myriad sex positions. And it’s just fucking hot.

Maybe I should just tell them my story. I used to be a sexual purist, after all. Can I get one resounding LOL?

My suggestions for vicious strap-on tops: “The Ultimate Guide to Strap-On Sex,” a Spareparts harness (oh so comfortable), a Vixskin or Vamp softskin dildo (silky and realistic), or a Johnny (if you want to be just like me! I love its girth and realistic aesthetic).

And for voracious strap-on bottoms: lube, and lots of it! Try Liquid Silk (thick and not too sticky), O’My Natural (water-based and flavored), or Sassy Booty lube.

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