Calling All Aspiring Porn Stars and Sexy Bitches

A review of Jenna Jameson’s How to Make Love Like a Porn Star: A Cautionary Tale

Once upon a time my exboyfriend asked me to help him to weed out the things in his basement that just have got to go. Quickly and confidently, I tossed things over my shoulder into big piles. Stuff went flying…stupid guitar magazines from 1998, flyers for shows at coffeehouses, concert ticket stubs, tacky dollar store figurines, garbage, trash, garbage…. I found my way to the bottom of a big box of miscellaneous bric-a-brac or rather an embarrassing 1990’s time capsule full of anime, tapes from bands I’ve never heard of or forgot existed, and one curious little book, an autobiography by Traci Lords. This excited me because I had just finished reading Dita Von Teese’s perfect jem Burlesque and the Art of the Teese/ Fetish and the Art of the Teese. And..my oh my, what a treasure Dita’s book was. Dita shares her own personal beauty secrets and tons of Burlesque and Fetish history. After this I assumed all women in the sex industry had a little wisdom to bestow. However…..

I had a silent wtf moment and I thought to myself “Traci Lords? Whatever happened to her?” I guess I was about to find out. It was a tiny little thing that took an hour to read, tops. I read it right there on the floor while making a series of extremely confused faces. The book was mostly pictures and I assumed that’s why my boyfriend bought it. As far as the actual text was concerned, it had short chapters that were written like a perfunctory narrative essay from an eighth grader, forced and brief. The book ended with Traci’s wedding and a deliberate happily-ever-after feeling that gave me a bit of an uncomfortable ache in my stomach.

Having been burnt by porn star bios, I was hesitant to pick up Jenna Jameson’s 579 paged autobiography but something drew me in. I judged this book by its cover, Jenna as Marilyn, a contemporary take on a classic photograph …. I was mostly impressed by sheer volume, just pick the book up, it’s heavy. I hoped this woman had a lot to say and I was not let down.

Jenna Jameson proves she is as smart as she is tan. This book is written from the pen of someone with a keen memory and brilliant business sense. Anyone who has said they could never strip or do porn needs to see the digits Jenna would make in one night at a strip club or for just one sex scene, let alone a whole movie. You might find yourself secretly wishing you had her guts.

Of course it’s full of pictures and an interesting collection at that; Jenna’s childhood, teenage years, stripper days, personal polaroids, and professional photographs.

How to Make Love like a Porn Star is solid, comedic and tied together tightly with various lists of commandments and cutesy cartoons. These little snippets are wedged between every couple of chapters and they offer a sweet intermission between dark truths, a lighthearted commercial break from the serious drama of Jenna’s life. Trust me, you need the break…

Jenna delves deep into her past by evaluating her mistakes, giving pointers, and telling secrets. This “cautionary tale” is truly drenched in tears and sweat. Jenna musters the strength to discuss her mother’s death and disconnection to her family. She shares relationship horror stories and the wisdom she has gained from picking some bad apples.

With all that said… It’s not an entirely serious book about Jenna’s life. It’s full of what you want from Jenna Jameson… smoldering, sweaty, sexy stories. She talks about her former girlfriends and boyfriends in vivid detail. Jenna Jameson really makes sex feel natural, beautiful, and healthy. If you’ve ever wondered what drives someone into the porn industry, this is a book you must read. Jenna proves any career can bring happiness if you stick to your own rules and refuse to settle. That’s exactly what brought Jenna Jameson to the top and quite frankly, I don’t think she’s going to step down anytime soon.

Stop into Tulip and pick up How to Make Love Like a Porn Star: A Cautionary Tale by Jenna Jameson with Neil Strauss

and while you’re in the Jenna mood….. try The Art of the Lap Dance

30 Porn-Star Portraits by photographer Timothy Greenfield-Sanders

Burlesque and the Art of the Teese/Fetish and the Art of the Teese by Dita Von Teese

Jenna’s jeweled waterproof vibrators

and of course we have scads of DVD’s like Bella Loves Jenna, Jenna Love’s Pain, Elements of Desire, and The Real Jenna Jameson.

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