“Back to Basics: Simple Tips to Improve Your Lackluster Sex Life”

I get asked a lot of sex questions… I’m not entirely sure why, but I assume it has something to do with bizarre social constructs involving sex store workers as being sexperts. [Note the sarcasm and empathy]. But what is fact, is that we talk about sex a lot, and have read about sex a lot (check out our book suggestions below). But when I do give advice, customers seem upset. They were looking for a little golden nugget of wisdom to spontaneously make their orgasms stronger, have their partner moan louder, or somehow expand their berth of sexual techniques to appease anyone and everyone. But the sad reality is, everyone’s different, and what may drive one person wild may not work on another. So below, I’ve included my best tips and tricks, the ones which get the best reviews and results, and hope that you might expand your experience greatly. Unfortunately, I can’t simply tell you to “lick there, place your hand here, and chant this mantra and watch a magical orgasm occur”, but instead I can push you in the right direction with some practical and realistic advice. Enjoy, and best of luck!

#1: Talk/Feel It Out!
Communication, my friends, is the key to any good sex life. Figure out what your partners fantasies are, what makes them tick, and definitely what makes them tock. Bring it up in casual conversation, during a passionate erotic discussion, or even during play. Most importantly however, watch for your partners responses to different types of stimulations. Loud moaning or grunting usually means you got something right while stoic faces or a hint of grimace is usually a bad sign. It sounds pretty self explanatory, but I can?t even begin to tell you how many people don’t do this.

#2: Treat Others as You Wish to Be Treated
Oftentimes, people do to others what they wish you to do to them, particularly in same sex play (but by no means exclusively). If you notice that your partner focuses a lot on your nipples, try it out on theirs! Does your partner give you long erotic massages? Maybe that’s the trick to their extreme orgasm. Nine times out of ten, they’ll be pleased you tried it out.

#3: It’s All About Anatomy Baby? Go Investigating
Our bodies are filled with pleasure centers most people don’t even know existed. Nerve endings are plentiful all over the body, and tingling can be found most anywhere depending on a person’s sensitivities. Sure there are the old standards (the head of the penis, the anal opening, the neck, ears, nipples), but not exclusively. The perineum (located between the scrotum and the anus), the armpit, the inner thigh, and other unexpected places offer extreme enjoyment. A simple inspection with your tongue or supple figures will yield surprising results since everyone has varied pleasure zones (kneecaps, toes, hips, scalp to name a few).

#4: You Can’t Buy Love, but You Can Buy Toys
Stop on by Tulip for a quick intro into how toys can greatly stimulate your partner in new and unexpected ways. Sure, dildos and vibes can be used for self pleasure, but using them during partnered sex can be new and exciting (double penetration, even just watching your partner scream in enjoyment can be exhilarating). Plus, many toys have multiple uses. The LayaSpot (http://mytulip.com/vibrators/water-resistant/laya-spot/detail), for example, can be used for oral sex on top of its primary clitoral stimulation. Make vibrator use a musical adventure with the iBuzzTwo, which connects with any MP3 or Walkman to provide a pulsating vibration to the music (pump something hot and sexy with good bass for best results). Tulip associates would be happy to help you out, just visit one of our two locations in Boystown and Andersonville.

#5: Foreplay Foreplay FOREPLAY! And Make it Last!
Sex should be prolonged and enjoyed, not some bizarre five minute quicky. That’s not to discredit some hot tryst on the way out the door to work (or at work for that matter), but keep in mind that pleasure and orgasm can be greatly increased if you get all worked up about it. Some good suggestions include getting your partner close to climax and then backing off, exploring with tongue and fingers, not discounting the art of an amazing kiss, and a little slap on the ass never hurt anyone either. The point is, making sexual activity last longer will allow for more excitement, variety and overall enjoyment. Combined with the tips above, it can transform the drab and boring into something well worth waiting for.

#6: Experiment Already/Check Your Inhibitions at the Door
We’re socialized to think of certain sexual acts as wrong or dirty, but who knows what you’re missing! Try something new and see if it works, after all you could have been missing out for years and not even known it. BDSM can be seen as dirty or scary, but how would you know if you’ve never tried? Fingering the vagina or anus can be pleasurable and erotic too. Rim job anyone? What about new and crazy positions (get over the missionary and doggy style already…that is SO 1950’s!) And a little phone sex or webcam adventures never hurt anyone. Warming lube, twisted condoms, or vibrating cock rings can make things exciting. Just try it already! Make sure that you and your partner are comfortable though, and taking it slow can improve results significantly (particularly on the first time). So grab some latex panties or a paddle and get busy?
Ready to begin the next new exciting phase in your life, but not sure where to begin? Try some of these amazing books (http://mytulip.com/books/):
-The Many Joys of Sex Toys by Anne Semans
-The Multi-Orgasmic Man: How Any Man Can Experience Multiple Orgasms and Dramatically Enhance his Sexual Relationship by Mantak Chia and Douglass Abrams
-Blow Him Away: How to Give Him Mind-blowing Oral Sex by Marcy Michaels
-Blow Her Away: How to Give Her Mind-blowing Oral Sex by Marcy Michaels
-Phone Sex: Aural Thrills and Oral Skills by Miranda Austin
-The Adventurous Couple’s Guide to Strap-On Sex
-Orgasms for Two: The Joy of Partner Sex by Betty Dodson, PhD
-The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy: How to Turn Your Fantasies into Reality by Violet Blue (the queen of fetish books)
-Erotic Bondage Handbook by Jay Wiseman
-And so many more!

Happy loving!

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