There are words that go down in history. And then there are others – no matter how hard you refute, ignore, or tip-toe around them – that will live on forever in infamy.
Certain labels come to mind. The nasty little labels from the ever-broadening Rainbow Spectrum linger there for a while. Don’t get me wrong; the global community-at-large has made leaps and bounds in acknowledging how romance and love and sex and making love and fucking and relations and relationships is performed by so many who were once ignored. It is a beautiful thing that so many people now have recognized identities – words – to claim as their own. But what happens when those words and identities just don’t fit?
A friend of mine calls herself “lesbian” because it’s easy. Really, she’s a bi-gendered, lesbian woman/bisexual man who performs publicly as woman but loves to pack a dick now and then. A “straight” couple I know get a kick out of dressing in each other’s clothes. Another friend, married for decades – PTA member, father of two, a Mr. Fix-It around the house – seeks his greatest thrill dressing up as Glenda the Good Witch in a room full of butch women once a year in his home.
“Everyone has their secrets,” his wife says.
Granted, I still have so much to learn, but with a couple of decades’ worth of experience under my belt – lived in first hetero-normative Smalltown, USA, then, conversely, Chicago – I’ve come to discover that things aren’t always what they seem. Words don’t describe the half of is there.
Lucky for all of us who just don’t fit the molds, who get fed up with having to explain ourselves (or simply opt out), there is a book here at Tulip that is must-read:
Pomosexuals: Challenging Assumptions About Gender and Sexuality
Edited by Carol Queen and Lawrence Schimel, Pomosexuals is a compilation of essays and anecdotes, “for the queer queers who just can’t stay put within a nice simple identity”. For the gay mormons, lesbian sadomasochists, bend-over boyfriends or heterosexual couples who like a little kink: this book is for you.
Seventeen essays. 188 pages.
Available for $14.95 at mytulip.com and at Tulip stores.